As a parent to two young children, my mind is always looking for ways of improving their lives and giving them the very best. While some people might hear this statement and automatically think of giving them possessions – a nice home, fashionable clothing, expensive toys and gifts – I suppose the direction I am really going with this is leaning more towards ensuring our children have all of the essential necessities, food, clothing, shelter and of course above all else – LOVE. Also it’s important that they learn lessons that will help throughout their lives – including how to manage money effectively.
While we also like to buy our children nice gifts, put aside money for their education and help set them on the right path to a successful future – we also want to make sure that they are able to help themselves. This is a strength and an ability that I definitely feel needs to be fostered while they are still small.
For this budgeting trade-off series posting, I want to look a little bit closer at the comparison between giving your kids the life you never had versus making them work for it – and which in fact is the better route to take?
Even if we didn’t grow up having a lot of money, a big house, a lot of toys, etc -we may feel that it is necessary to make up for this somehow, and give our kids everything might be the way to go about this. However, here are some perhaps extreme areas where spoiling your child can lead to some potentially negative outcomes.
Worst Case Scenario:
By giving your children everything – essentially spoiling them, this will teach them that in life they won’t have to ever work for anything. Not only will they start expecting things, they will also stop appreciating things. Children are more likely to learn that material possessions outweigh all else – friendships, family, gaining a sense of purpose and self-worth from working hard to achieve specific goals. Really what we are doing by giving them everything, is actually depriving them from becoming well-rounded and self-efficient human beings.
This is also not to say that children shouldn’t be rewarded for their accomplishments and praised and yes, even given certain gifts and possessions on special occasions – however if there is something they really want – letting them know that if they want to work for it and then purchase it themselves or have it purchased for them after they have achieved a goal – this can help to teach a good work ethic.
Ultimately, what I think we should focus on teaching our kids is that buying things does not equal happiness. Furthermore, telling and showing our kids that they can gain even more happiness through achievements and working hard.
One way to help children learn how to work for things, might be to help them obtain little ‘starter’ jobs that can help them earn some money. Perhaps, it may be that you choose to have them do household chores and earn an allowance. In addition to this idea, there are some types of jobs that might be appropriate for you child, outside of the household.
A few examples are:
Babysitting, Gardening, Mowing the Lawn, Cleaning the Pool, Pet-sitting, Dog-walking, Dog-washing, Washing Cars, and Picking up Trash.
Best Case Scenario:
Best-case scenario, your kids might just learn to become entrepreneurs in their own right. Learning to solve problems as well as resolving conflicts will be extremely important skills that will help them out throughout their lives. Being exposed to what hard work ‘looks’ like, can definitely present opportunities for that type of develop. If this happens, they’ll be able to learn money management skills that can help them at a young age and also as they grow up.
We all want what is best for our kids – and for every parent, this might look a little bit different. In the end, however, I think making them work towards their own goals is an extremely valuable experience. Knowing when to take a step back and when to step in and offer our help, mind just be the most challenging of all parenting dilemmas. Once again, finding a balance between providing them with the things you never had as well as making them work for the things they want – will help prepare them for the real world and the importance of being a responsible children and adult.
